I left my heart in San Fran- er, Yerba Buena
How are things in Ogallala? What about Atchafalaya? Or Nodaway?
These imaginary places represent the very real dissonance between the United States government and the people of America.
The Washington Post posted online a map by Neil Freedman showing these places and more under the headline, "This map shows what the United States would look like if life were fair."
The argument is that since the populations of the states vary from 576,412 people in Wyoming to 38,041,430 in California, it is "unfair" that small states get two senators just like California.
Since this affects the Electoral College, the mapmaker and the Post reason that new lines must be drawn to establish 50 states of 6,265,634 people each.
Seventeen people would be left over after the music stops in this political game of musical chairs.
Every 10 years the lines would be redrawn.
In the name of fairness, the people of Hawaii would have to travel 3,000 miles to fly to Portland, Oregon, which would be the capital of Shasta, a new state, not the soft drink.
The proposal is so loony that it is destined to become law some day.
But this proposal reflects a dissonance between people in Washington and the rest of the nation.
A Gallup poll in June found the economy is the No. 1 concern of Americans. Only 4 percent put health care as the No. 1 issue and only 2 percent said immigration.
So what is Washington working on?
Health care and immigration.
The names proposed reflect Washington's disdain for America.
For example, Ogallala, Neb., provided the name for a state out in the Dakotas.
The Atchafalaya River provided the name for a state along the Gulf Coast.
Parts of Iowa, Kansas and Nebraska would be Nodaway.
Get it, mouth-breathers?
Even San Francisco, the golden city on the hill of liberalism, received no respect as it would suffer living in a state with the name Yerba Buena under this plan.
Like a Russian commissar, mapmaker Neil Freeman drew lines arbitrarily in the sands of the United States.
So what if West Virginia is almost heaven? The commissars in the District of Columbia will move the state to Allegheny, which would run from Harlan, Ky., to Erie, Pa.
Yins will mix with y'alls.
People do not matter to Washington.
Only numbers do.
This is the same contempt for humanity that Josef Stalin showed when he marched the entire Chechen population to Central Asia and Siberia in 1944.
One-third of them died on the way, and 69 years later, two of their descendants bombed the Boston Marathon in some bizarre form of retaliation.
Think no American president would do what Stalin did?
Then read up on the Trail of Tears in which President Jackson, the founder of the Democratic Party, ignored a U.S. Supreme Court order and marched 130,000 Cherokees from the Carolinas to the desert of Oklahoma.
Half of them died on the way.
Jackson did the same to the Chickasaw, Choctaw, Muscogee Creek and Seminole Indians, although a small band of the latter fought back and remained in Florida, where they proudly lend their name to the Florida State University football team.
If life were truly fair, we the people would march the denizens of Washington, D.C., to Belle Fourche, S.D., population 5,658, which is the city closest to the geographic center of the United States.
There all the bureaucrats, congressmen and Cabinet members would by hand build a new capital out of adobe bricks cured in the hot sun.
Surber's email is firstname.lastname@example.org.