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Even after five years, she still clings to him

ME: Wow, it's been a while. Look at you. What in the heck happened?

SHE: Don't start on me. I have had a rough day and my life has been pretty depressing lately.

ME: By lately you mean five years. I tried to warn you but you called me old and out of touch.

SHE: You just don't understand the way he made me feel.

ME: Oh, I do understand the euphoria a smooth-talking man can give a crowd — of being cool and hip — of belonging to a group of insiders — of changing the world.

SHE: How would you know?

ME: Every generation has a charismatic leader who led them to a Promised Land, but it usually ends in misery.

SHE: He's working on it.

ME: Meanwhile you had to move back with your parents. Your hours were cut. He's living off you.

SHE: Things are tight. He's not responsible for the recession. There's only so much he can do. Can we change subjects?

ME: How's his golf game?

SHE: Shut up. Your guy got us in this mess.

ME: You lost your health insurance. He said you could keep your health insurance. He said you could keep your doctor, but yours retired at age 50 and all the gynecologists in town are booked solid for another year.

SHE: You make it sound so simple. He's not responsible for this. It's the insurance company's fault and the doctors. Eventually we'll get health insurance for 30 million people.

ME: Most of them either do not want it or qualified for Medicaid but never signed up. Less than 1 percent of the 45 million uninsured have signed up.

SHE: Computer glitch. Don't politicize this.

ME: Sure. You called us racist. You called us terrorists, anarchists, arsonists and hostage takers, but I am the one who politicizes this.

SHE: Can we talk about something else?

ME: OK, tell me about how he closed Gitmo like he promised. Oh wait, he didn't, did he?

SHE: He cannot get anyone to take them. These are very dangerous men who would return to terrorism if we let them loose.

ME: Bush said the same thing and he was right. Bush also warned you about Iran but you mocked him as a saber rattler. Bush left a world in which the United States was the dominant player in the Middle East. Now Putin is.

SHE: Really? Tell me about Bush and those deficits and those wars and those thousands of soldiers who died in war and the trillion dollars his wars cost. Tell me about that.

ME: More American soldiers died in Afghanistan under Obama. As for $1 trillion on a war, Obama posts annual $1 trillion deficits.

SHE: You don't understand.

ME: I spotted his narcissism from the get-go. Your clue should have been when he said, "This was the moment when the rise of the oceans began to slow, and our planet began to heal."

SHE: So what do you want me to do now? Leave him?

ME: No. That's not how the system works. We are stuck with him for another three years as we plod ahead with a nation divided by partisan politics because he refused to work with Republicans on the stimulus, on Obamacare and on the budget. But I will say one thing nice about him.

SHE: What's that?

ME: He's better than Hillary.

Surber is an editorial writer who can be reached at


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