Am I proud of being dumb about some things?
No. I'm not proud that there are many things I don't know or understand. I'm proud that I manage in spite of them.
No one can know everything, and there are many things I do know and do understand. And for what I don't know, I find the will and the way to overcome. Those things still scare me.
There are problems today that need to be solved, that I don't know how to solve, that scare me. But I will find the will and the way to overcome them - even if, and probably if - it means I need help, which is the hardest thing for me to ask for.
I do not run my farm alone. I run it on the wings of hired men, neighbors, friends, and family who help me. (Mostly hired men because I don't like to ask for favors, or even take them when they're offered, unless it's an emergency or necessary for some other reason.)
Over the past more than a year that I've run a farm by myself, I've adjusted and learned how to manage the seemingly unmanageable. That doesn't make me feel any less as if I'm running this farm. I know how to get help when I need it because I can't build it or lift it or figure it out, and I work to make it happen or, sometimes, give up a little pride.
And every time I'm standing in a store and don't know how to buy what I know I need, I know that maybe next time I will know better.
Or maybe next time I won't.
But in either case, I will still be standing.
Writer Suzanne McMinn lives in Roane County, where she writes every day in her blog, Chickens in the Road, at www.chickensinthe road.com.